who am i fooling?

Im fucking tired....i feel like im trying to hold myself up and Tg up at the same time and i cant do that no more. I want TG to get better but i just cant carry her anymore...not right now anyway...my own world my own life is crumbling apart.
I just wanna fucking scream.I wish she'd stop asking me if i love her...of course i love her im tired of the doubting though. i know i havent been a very good girlfriend the past few days its just really really hard to even stay alive. I love her I do. I want to be with her forever but....ugh...
Im so tired and im so afraid im going to fuck it up. Better to have her think that everything is fine then to give in and admit that im not fine. That
dying sounds soooo good right now...but then what!? its not like i can pop back up and say ok that was fun now what..cuz that would be all there is and i uh there is so much more things i wanna do first.....
mmmm *LMAO*
a friend emailed me this morning...wanted me to go in 40 bucks for some coke....gosh that sounds so tempting. i have been swirling the thought around in my head ugh im just not going to reply to him.....i wanna say YES way to bad..and if i hit reply i know thats what i would say...so its easier to avoid it altogether..
i dunno though
a part of me wants tooo a part of me is like YESSS do it!!
maybe then I can have some damn energy and get shit done around here, eh?

Gosh why am i writing this!? i know TG will read it soon...ugh
maybe i'll get lucky and she wont
maybe she wont...
der who am i fooling of course she will....
at any rate....
my whole body is still fucking numb from last night except ummm yeah that part of me is all tingly and horny like but um i cant do nothing about it right now...stupid menstrual cycle....LMAO