I do love her

Just got back from lunch with my mom we went to Applebee's. I had Oriental chicken salad and a half of a Turkey BLT Sandwich on some sorta marble rye bread i think it was. pretty good..im stuffed..and ate pretty well...so still on my diet ...very good lmao. ;)
But thats not why im posting a blog today..im posting cuz before i left for lunch with mom, i called Tay. half because i promised her i would call her this a.m. and half cuz I do love her so much and I worry about her. Breaking up with her was the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole entire life. When i went to hang up from her i almost said, I love you..I was like, "I love....bye" thats how i hung up i dont know if she heard me or not but i did...cuz truth is i do still love her very much. It kills me that I feel like I cant say it anymore. It hurts deep inside...i feel dead inside of me..I just want to Throw my computer out the window because memories of her lays inside in my bookmarks....i just want to cry...to love someone so much but can't express that love it hurts so much.
I am crying like a person who just got dumped yet im the one that dumped her but it wasnt because i wanted too..not at all....
WHy Then? it still boggles my mind today..i want to go back out with her again but first i got to make certain thats the best thing to do...i dont want to be wishy washy with her...
i swear i have 2 ppl inside of me.....cuz i have 2 very different personalities and they are waging war against each other...
its so hard to keep everything up i just want to die.