RETARDS POSTING

I wish i could be like spongebob squarepants cuz u know he knows how to have fun and he loves to work and has this attitude like everything will be ok. AAAHH..yeah if only i had that same out look on life.
But i dont.
so why do i bother talking about it. Why do i bother at life at all?
I just want to SCREAM sometimes. I fight not to call Taytay.....and i dont know why? why am i not calling her?
its so complicated the way my mind works. Something told me that she has met someone else. stupid voices in my head. LMAO
I asked the doctor today, cuz one of my previous doctors when i was on seroquel was going to take me off of that cuz of the diabetes and put me on Geodon. so i asked about Geodon today cuz the doctor was talking lithium..ugh. i want stuff that will help me in my decision not to eat so much not stuff thats gonna make me stuff my face. well anyway...he said thats a antipyschotoic and he cant see putting me on an anti-pyschotoic if im not pyschotic right now and in '05 he said he remembered i was a lil pyschotic. which i was cuz i was hearing voices but i am now i just haven't been asked about hearing voices so i never have told them lmao. thats half the reason why im so slow at doing things. cuz the voices in my head i have to hear them along with whatever else im doing. prob. why i havent talked on the phone to noone today.
lmao
oh well
now back to the question at hand..am i avoiding tay? no im not. if she was to IM me i would respond but she hasnt bothered all day so why should i bother?
seriously
ugh
i feel like im going to vomit.

i need to fill out my mood journal with the list of my meds and stuff.
ugh keeping any type of journal and keeping up with it is hard work.

oh the conselour told me to call the crisis line next time i feel like im going to cut how do i do that? seriously? i just dont understand how am i suppose to do that.
i dont know
i cant remember nevermind.
im retarded.