scary faces in the dark

sitting in a dark room with my kids
telling ghost stories to past the time
having fun with my kids
but if only my kids knew what i saw
with every other blink
I kept seeing eyes of red
devils face? a demons for sure
in austin.
a voice in my head saying kill kill kill
its the only way...
I know that its not real...
I tell myself no no no
its not real
go away
and it does
and i wonder how long before
its not enough?
how long before its their to stay?
I dont dare talk about this unimaginable act to anyone
they will lock me away and take me away from my kids for sure

2 or 3 nights ago i heard a woman's voice in my head
not my own..first time it was a woman
it woke me up..
and then it kept talking
...
"MA'AM...MA'AM PLEASE HELP ME! CAN YOU HELP ME!"
I simply said no and rolled over and went back to sleep.
and then a loud shrieking ear piercing scream....
SCREAMING YOU WILL PAY!! YOU WILL PAY!!!

That was before i saw the demon in my son.
I know what i can tell the doctors and what i cant and this i will not.
They will think i'm scizophrinc and im not..cuz i know the voices are not real. I know that its all in my head.....

Last night I fell asleep in the recliner watching 20/20 about a girl who vanished from her house and found up dead in a river..she was only 3...how very sad :(
they pretty much convicted the father but the father didnt do it. he was forced into a confession after 14 hours of grilling him and showing him dead pictures of his daughter. he said he thought that was the only way out of that room. But I think his lawyer was able to prove it wasn't him but i fell asleep. lol..didnt mean to i didnt even see it coming (the sleep)
so needless to say, i didnt cut last night..its the meds i swear. the meds keep me from really cutting or hurting myself....
but this morning i woke up to the twins fighting with one another..ugh what a way to wake up here i am half asleep trying to break up a fight. shit..if it was summer and they didnt have no where to go for awhile i think i would of just let them fight it out....but thats not the case so i didnt...

you may think im a bad parent...but im not...you see I think i do very well for a single mother with twins 1 with seizure disorder and possible bipolar(too young to diagnose) the other with adhd who until i wake up is unmedicated. having twins....2 kids is like having 4 kids i swear...they each come with their unique needs and wants....man people are delirious to want multiples. BUt personally i think people are delirious to want more then 1 kid anyway. lmao