a sick and twisted mind would only think like this

Gosh, I lost another 2 pounds over night..woohoo...im kinda happy but kinda sad the way im going about this is all wrong.

Last night I huffed and I didnt even know i did that when i "came too" My memory is seriously slipping. I'm so friggen forgetful its not even funny.
I so care about my friend i want her to get help. Id told her if she'd seek help for her cutting id seek help for all my problems.

Watching the blood ooze out of my leg onto my skin is intoxicating...........i cant even describe it. I know i'm sick. I get the same feeling with this as when i use to lay real close to my african american lover and look at our skin next to each other.... black and white...it was friggen almost orgasmic.
I know that sounds completly sick to some...that i would think seeing blood ooze from my skin is somehow "a turn on" but it is. I love it. At this point i dont think I could "TURN BACK" I dont know if i could stop even if I tried. Not now.
I gotta get a sharper object its not working too well...dull knife..gr
It caused me to sorta half way stab myself last night I want to see blood when i cut! i want to see it running out my leg.
............