We're Girlfriends and I still cut

So Yeah the truth comes out! Yup I love me some T.G.!! I mean I LOOOOVE T.G.
That was my biggest secret i was keeping from her. THE LOVE I HAVE FOR HER.
BUT GUESS WHAT? She loves me too! OMG!
Sometime in the night on August 21 the revelation was made!! Now ME and TG is Girlfriends!!! WOOOHOO!! I haven't ever been so happy in my life. SHe is supper special to me! but doom strikes me.......

you know it was almost exactly 3 years ago that i was in the pysch ward. I feel like it might be soon i go back there. I have been having these flashbacks and it gives me the worst panic attacks in the world and the only way i can feel alive again is to cut....mostly on my legs but i do have a few cuts on my arms and stuff....one night i dont remember doing it but there was a cut on my wrist.

I dont want to die. FUCK. 3 years ago i did but I don't now. I think thats why im cutting because the thought of suicide the thought of wanting suicide leaves me.
The happiest and most awesome part of the day is when i get to talk to TG....
I just see all these obstacles in front of us..keeping us apart...fudge i need to hit the lottery so i can go up to Canada....i just want to be with her....right now, i could careless about anything else. I know that sounds so odd....but im mesmerized by her..i cant keep my eyes off her (webcam) EVER.....damn its 6 am and im watching her sleep wishing i was with her. I HAVE always at least a little liked girls but NOTHING like this. WOW. So this is what Same Sex love is like!? I fucking love it!